Saturday, 29 June 2013

Day 23.

Our friend hosted a little market shindig last night at her cafe, Fred's, and we went along for some mulled wine, beef stew, and vintage threads. Okay, so the clothes shopping was just for me. And the stew and wine was just for Chris. We both got what we wanted, haha. 
It was really awesome, there were all these other cool young fams. None as young as us, but we've come to expect that, haha. It was really comforting to be able to relate to some people that were only a few years older than us, as apposed to 15 years older. I've just noticed that parents that are a lot older than us tend to lecture us a lot more on how to be parents. Which is hilarious because raising a child is so completely individual and tailor made. I think it's so important that we make decisions that are perfect for us, not because some stranger told us that we shouldn't do it or because it's not the most common way.
I have noticed when other mothers ask me how I am finding it so far, they look at me as if they think I'm lying when I tell them that I am actually just enjoying it. No complaints. We get a lot of sleep, she never cries, she feeds well. No hitches so far. 
They look at me as if they are hoping that I come across some big hurdles later down the line, because I'm not supposed to be enjoying it this much. It's not SUPPOSED to be easy, is the message I get all the time.
Don't get me wrong, there have been a handful of times where I haven't had the opportunity to shower for two days straight, & my house is definitely always a chaotic mess. We have had pizza for dinner several times now. The thing is, I just don't mind if it takes me an entire day to do one sink full of dishes, because there is constantly a hungry baby demanding my attention. I much prefer to spend my time snuggling in bed with her than worrying about my untouched to do list. I think it's easy if you allow it to be.
This isn't supposed to be a rant against other women or mothers, because the majority of everyone I talk to is actually incredible. It's a rant against people putting their ideals on to you, when they really don't need to. 
Thank-you all for reading and supporting ! It's so nice to be given such kind feedback.
Sorry that I got so far behind in the project, we haven't had internet so I'm just uploading when I get the opportunity. 

Oh, and a photo of matching outfits and cuddles.

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Day 22.

Girls just want to have fun.
Happy one month birthday, sass queen.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Day 21.

Day 20.

Day 20 ! 1/5 of the way there.
A wee drawing. I don't generally draw with anything other than charcoal, but it was nice tonight, to turn off my brain and do a little pencil drawing.
Plum, you are a dream. I hardly want to write it down in case it turns around and flips our life upside down, but you are just such a pleasure. People make such a big deal about how having a baby is a complete nightmare. How you completely forget what sleep feels like.
I just can't relate to that, I feel like the three of us have developed such a natural rhythm.
You have bought so much light to my days, and everyone else around us. You are like a magnet for all the people that I love so much but can't manage to properly show it. Now they are all here, and it's because of you.
Just keep on keeping on, little lady.

Monday, 24 June 2013

Day 19.

Yesterday I started back at my one day a week art foundation course. I took Plum with me. Chris, my mum and my brother all basically dropped everything and set their entire day aside to help me make sure it went smoothly. Thank-you, fameee. 
Us girls have been resting all day. 

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Day 17.

Somehow, all three of us managed to sleep until mid day.
Best Sunday.

Friday, 21 June 2013

Day 16.

You wouldn't let me sleep last night. I really appreciate your commitment to the cause, but sometimes, my girl, it's about compromise.

I knew this would be hard, I just didn't really know which kind of hard. One of the things that is hard about it, is that you can't blame anyone when it gets tough. I naturally want to revert to the blame game at 2am when Chris gets to sleep through the night. It's like, well, actually, it's not Chris's fault he can't breastfeed, haha. It's certainly not Willow's fault that she's a hungry newborn. And it's not my fault either. Then I laugh at myself, because it's nobodies fault, because nothing is really wrong. This is just a fact. A short part of life that isn't here for very long, so fucking enjoy it. Enjoy the fact that no one is ever going to like you as much as this little dependent peanut does. She actually likes the sound of your voice, she looks your straight in the eye, & when she fusses, all it takes to calm her is the warmth of your skin.
How often in your life will somebody cherish you this much ?
It's definitely not as hard as I thought.

I love you, Plum cake. You are the perfect fit.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Day 15.

Three weeks old today.
Because one day you'll be wearing this hat on your pretty little head.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Day 14.

This post has everything and nothing to do with being a mother.
I was flicking through my iPhoto, trying to work out what I wanted to post today. When I got to the end of the photostream, it flicked over to 12 months ago, the photos I had taken on this day last year, in the Gili Islands in Indonesia. I come up against a bit of a blank when I try to describe what it felt like to see them. It honestly feels like a different lifetime. I remember what it felt like to come home to New Zealand after being overseas. Trying to slot back in to a place that had stood still, when over the last four months I felt I had grown into a different person. At the time, I played with thoughts of being unable to continue growing in such a substantial way if I continued to stand still in little old Auckland. I now realise, after 3 weeks of doing nothing but standing still with this baby, I have grown just as much, if not more than my 4 months of travelling.

I guess I also just feel proud of who I have become. Not all the time, obviously. Not when I say something sassy to Chris because I'm tired and cranky, when I start to lose patience when Willow wont close her eyes and sleep, or when I eat ice cream at 5am.
But when I stood up, alone, and walked away from everything I knew, and travelled on one way tickets into countries I knew nothing about. I did it without being afraid. The same way I wasn't afraid when one month after my 19th birthday, I found out I was one month pregnant. I'm proud that I followed through with my mistake. I knew what people would say about me, and I did it anyway.
When I was travelling, someone told me I had a PhD in fearlessness. I will never forget it. It's something my mama taught me, and I will teach Willow. Because you always gain the best rewards.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Day 13.

Little peanut got weighed and is now just over 3kg ! She has gained a block of butter.
Also, a bellybutton !

Monday, 17 June 2013

Day 12.

So far, we have done sweet fuck all. Recovering from surgery, surviving on 5 hours sleep a day, and breastfeeding for 8 out of 24 hours pretty much leaves me wanting to knit and eat soup with the rest of my day. However, today Chris went back to work. We're two and a half weeks into this whole thing, and I figure I better start leaving my house sometimes. I've managed to avoid it thus far, Devonport is such a small village, you walk out your door and you see six people you know, and I've noticed that in my sleep deprived state I have started just staring at people smiling (awkwardly), unable to think of a single conversation starter.
In my pregnancy, I walked on the mountain a lot. I remember in a letter that i wrote to this mystery baby in my belly, how excited I was for it to see the mountain for the first time for the outside. Which I now realise is basically a joke because Willow has her eyes open for about 1% of the day. It's going to be a while before she can really see anything.
I wont romanticise it, it was a dreary as fuck day, all the trees were skeletons of their former selves.
But it was really, really awesome to walk that familiar route, & instead of holding my belly, I held your warm little body.

Thank-you so much to Caitlin, Kate, Madi & everyone at Natures Sway for so generously gifting us these baby carriers. It is so incredible to have the opportunity to have Plummy exactly where she is supposed to be, bundled up against us, while leaving our hands free. Thank-you a million times over.

Sunday, 16 June 2013

Day 11.

Some of the best advice I've been given so far;
1. Look at the majority, not the minority.
2. Just love that baby.

We are lucky in the sense that Willow is really, really easy. She virtually never cries or grizzles & we just chill out in bed all day, eating, cuddling, sleeping. But then at night when I roll back into bed every three hours after a feed, and I think how the fuck can my body ache this much from doing this little ? That's when I have to remind myself that the lack of sleep is only the minority. The majority, the important bit, is the beautiful little squeaks and pouts and raised eyebrows. 
As for the second bit of advice, It's actually impossible not to. She fills me up. 

Saturday, 15 June 2013

Day 10.

All newborns do is sleep. Seriously.

Friday, 14 June 2013

Day 9.

Plum-Cakes first bath.
Chillest soul I've ever seen. 

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Day 8.

Two week old feet.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Day 7.

Part of me wants this time to go faster, to stream through so that we can watch you grow & learn. But a much bigger part of me is terrified of letting this era slip through my fingers. Because there will come a day when your hands won't be so little, they will grow, you will put your hand against mine, and they will be mirror images of each other. Sometimes, when you're asleep, and it's just Chris and I again, in our tiny old kitchen, cooking, it feels like life is still the same. We carry on the same as before, we chat about work, our friends, our plans for the future, all our ideas and projects. But then I think about the three of us, bundled up in bed together, the afternoon sun turning our eyelashes gold, & I can no longer remember what life was like before you came.  
Everything else does sort of just, fall away.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Day 6.

One of the best things about babies, especially your own, is how little they have to do in order to be goddamn hilarious. All the ugly facial expressions, all the weird sounds, & especially all the hand gestures that accidentally make her look like T Pain.

Happy due date, Willow ! You have made us laugh everyday for two weeks x

Monday, 10 June 2013

Day 5.

Two months before my due date, my Nana was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer & given about six weeks to live. The only thing she wanted to experience before she died, was meeting and holding her first great grandchild. So we made a pact, I would try convince Bubble to come early, on the condition that she would hold out long enough to meet her.
We had always joked about how my Granddad wouldn't survive without her, but with the loss of her health came the rapid decline of his. We were starting to really worry that we wouldn't get to see this pan out, first pregnancies tend to go over due date.
But Willow held true to her word, she came two weeks early.
This past weekend, we drove to Tauranga to introduce the two sassiest ladies of our family (sometimes you can just tell, even with a newborn. She got soul.)

I love you, Laurel & Sel.

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Day 4.

We just really had no idea that you would be with us this soon. 
We woke up that Friday morning with plans for the weekend.
Dirty dishes in the sink, laundry in the washing machine.
Before the day was out, at 6.45 that evening, I was holding you on the outside for the first time.
We're still trying to tie up the loose ends, all the things we didn't have ready for you.
Knitting between feeds while you sleep on my chest.
A blanket for you. 

Day 3.

Friday, 7 June 2013

Day 2.

First moments with Papa

My two loves.

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Day 1.

Willow Plum Smart.